Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Text me some of your sweat
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