I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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