some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
