A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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