FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
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I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm bleeding and have questions
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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