every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
