We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
