Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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