so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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