There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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