good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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