4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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