Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
