so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
