either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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