I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
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I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
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six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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