ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
