I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
