R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
