So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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