you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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