it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Watching her eat just hurts me
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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