she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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