I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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