I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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