we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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