I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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