Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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