Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need water and some morals
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
