I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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