he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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