Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize