there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.