Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
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Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?