What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We're too hungover to prance.