If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
