I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?