I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.