Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.