I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
