Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize