Just fell off a train. Bad.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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