i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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