either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
don't judge my taste in strippers
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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