dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
