he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
