I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
