I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
