i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drunk is not a location!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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