He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
