someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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