I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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