Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
