You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
