I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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